Being someone who has experienced domestic violence and survives it, I will say this is a very difficult complicated topic to address. No one truly understands the depth of domestic violence like the abuser and the victim. The abuser always wants more power over the victim and the victim always works hard to please the abuser hoping that the harder they try to get things right the abuse will stop, but the unfortunate truth is the abuse will never stop until it is too late which results in death. But there is no need for it to end that way because our world is getting more and more educated about domestic violence, and because of that education on domestic violence, there are many resources available to help protect and support victims of domestic violence. A lot of times people stay in a domestic violence relationship or homes for fear of people not believing in them that they are being abused, for fear that no one can really help them or save them from the situation, for fear of not having enough support to be safe, for fear that no matter where they go, their abuser will always find a way of locating them, for fear of losing their kids to their abuser and not being able to communicate and connect with their kids, for fear of even losing their lives if they leave.
ARE MEN ALSO ABUSED AS MUCH AS WOMEN?
Our world thinks that the chance of a man getting abuse by a woman is unreal, but the reality is men do get abuse around the world by women every second on the minute, every minute on the hour, and every hour of the day. With this being said, that is a whole lot of men being abuse on a daily basis but no one wants to talk about it, making men in our world look more like monsters instead of victims. Why are some of the reasons men do not speak out? We live in a world where men are told not to cry, where they are told that men do not get hurt or abuse, where they are told to keep everything inside, where they are told to not be emotional and that makes them men. But is this really true that men can not be hurt or emotional? My answer is no, this is not true at all. This is an absolute lie because men were created to feel the same as women, to cry the same as women, to hurt the same as women, to love the same as women, and with this being said, men are also abused every day the same as women.
WHAT WAYS DO MEN GET ABUSE AND BY WHO?
There are many ways a man can get abuse without being allowed to express it for fear of being ridiculed and being seen less like a man. Men get emotional abuse, physical abuse, and mental abuse but our world expects them to be strong and deal with it on their own without any kind of support. A man can be in a relationship with a woman that is unhealthy and he’s getting abuse by the woman and when he decides to leave, to make him stay, she threatens him about taking his kids away from him and cutting off all communication and contacts. In this case, if the man is family orientated, he will stay for the sick of the kids and endure the abuse. In a lot of homes, men are yelled at, hit on, spit on, curse at and the list goes on and on. Men are told not to react or defend themselves for fear they will get in trouble and be called the abuser instead of the victims. There is much more support for women out there when it comes to domestic violence than there is for men, making men even more vulnerable to domestic violence than women. Another situation of domestic violence towards men that people do not talk about is domestic violence in gay relationships. Because the gay relationship is not welcome by many, so the discussion of domestic violence in the gay relationship is not discussed and not many support is out there for that kind of relationship, leaving a lot of people who are involved and experiencing domestic violence in gay relationships to tend to commit more suicide.
IT IS OK FOR MEN TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT THEIR DOMESTIC ABUSE
Men are created similar to women with reactions to pain, sadness, emotional breakdown, fear, trauma, and the list goes on and on. The question here is why are men not allowed to express these emotions and reactions? Well, society has placed men in a protective bubble, which tells them that they are not allowed to express pain, sadness, or emotions that will show a sign of weakness.
If society gives men the platform to speak about their domestic abuse, there will be help for men out there to heal instead of being stuck with all these physical and emotional traumas. We need to educate our society that men are not robots and that they feel the same as women and can get hurt too. And that men seeking help out there are not signs of weakness but rather a strength.
WHY ARE WOMEN NOT WALKING AWAY FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RELATIONSHIP?
There many reasons why women do not walk away from domestic violence relationships. One reason could be their religion, another could be family and friends, another could be fear and trauma and one of the most important reasons could be their kids.
An experience of domestic violence is never your fault and don’t let anyone makes you feel that such an experience is ok. Some religions will promote violence towards women to help keep women submissive to their partners but that is indeed an absolute lie told to millions of men around the world. Women will only submit to men who love and cares for them. Abuse of a woman will make her traumatize and turn her into a monster when you the man is at your most vulnerable.
Never let a man abuse you and later tell you that he did not mean to do it and that he did it out of the loss of anger. Once he was brave enough to abuse you, he will always abuse you and each time will be worst than the first time or the last time. Friends will tell you to give him time to make a change to his behavior, but the more time you give him to keep on abusing you, the more endanger your life is. Women who stay in a domestic violence relationship almost all the time end up dead and if by chance they ever survived it, they become totally damaged and impossible to repair.
Women who stay in domestic violence relationship for the sake of their children not only endanger their lives but they endanger the lives of their children as well. An abuser does not have a limit to who they can abuse and who they can not abuse. When it comes to a domestic violence relationship, the abuser will go from abusing the mother to abusing her children, cause the abuser is aware that the mother has lost the willpower to fight back or even try to protect her children because she feels unprotected.
You are never alone, all you need to do is speak out and if the situation is dangerous for you, never stop searching for that person that can help you and your children get to a safe environment. The more you get brave enough to speak to people about your situation, the faster help you will get before it is too late. Our world is changing and millions of people are aware that these kinds of situations do exist and people are no longer judging someone for finding themself in such a situation but rather people are being helpful. Remember children learn by what they hear or see, so keeping children in domestic violence homes will only turn them into future abusers when they grow up.
CHILDREN, WHY SHOULD WE ALL PROTECTS THEM?
Children are the most vulnerable on our planet earth because they are innocent of the danger in our society, and they are unable to protect themself from harm. A child before being aware that a person is an abuser will see that person as a good person. This means that children at first are unable to tell the difference between a good person and a bad person. Millions of children around the world are going missing and people see the news as just another news being broadcast. Most people will do nothing to help find these children, but if you just think of the possible abuse that awaits these missing children, such as sexual, physical, emotional, and mental abuse, you will be beyond disgusted. There are children that are abuse by their step-parents, abuse by their own parents, by a distant relative, by friends of parents and the list goes on.
Parents should educate their children about the different kinds of abuse and how to be aware of dangerous adults that prey on little children. There are many ways that children are unprotected in our world from the internet to the home, so looking for ways to protect your child or children and teaching them how to report sensitive information so that their abuser does not notice they have been reported will indeed help to keep them safe. When a child is brave to report an abuser, believe them, and protect them, cause ignoring the child puts them in more danger than before. There are tools and information out there to help parents become better parents and tools to help them inform their children about staying safe. Always talk to your child or children about safety and protection. It is very important they know this information because the more informed a child is, the more protected they will be.
HAS THE COVID19 WORSEN THE SITUATION?
With the covid19 and social distance regulations, it is very difficult for children and adults who are experiencing domestic violence to get the kind of help they need. For most adults, their escape was when they had to leave home for work daily or even sometimes their visit with family and friends. For most children, it was the safety they felt when they were at school with their teachers. With school closed and most parents staying at home and out of work, makes surviving domestic abuse unbearable.